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Our Story

It’s the same old story you’ve heard a thousand times before…  boy meets girl, they fall in the love, and live happily ever after.  But this isn’t the same old story.  Happily ever after is something Kate and I never got to experience.  We never got to experience the joys of raising children, or celebrating a 25^th year anniversary, or simply just growing old together.  We didn’t get to have any of that, but what we did have I’m sure some couples don’t get to experience in 50 years of marriage.  Kate and I had an amazing 5 years together.  5 years of true love, 5 years of friendship, 5 years of living! 

We knew from the start we were living our lives against a ticking clock, but we didn’t let it control our lives.

I met Kate for the first time in 1996 while we were both working at Best Buy in Mishawaka, IN.  Kate had just returned from Alabama, where she was going to school but became too sick to continue.  She returned to live with her mom, who nursed her back to health and started school in South Bend.  When Kate and I first became friends she was already on the lung transplant list, but only stayed on it for a short time because her health started to improve, so the conversation really didn’t come up all that much. 

Over a month or so our friendship quickly blossomed into something more.  We found ourselves spending all of our time together and quickly realized that we were really connected and had fallen for each other.  Two days before Valentine’s Day Kate and I were chatting on the internet very late at night (we would chat and talk on the phone for hours at a time, sometimes going very late into the night).  During this conversation Kate and I both expressed our feelings for each other and agreed that what we had was already far beyond a simple friendship and decided to take it to the next step.

The first thing that really drew me to Kate was her amazing strength and passion that she had.  She lived her life to fullest and wouldn’t allow anyone or anything get in her way.  She knew what she wanted, and she usually found a way to get it, but at the same time she would do anything for her friends and family members. 

Even during the initial stages of our relationship neither of us questioned what we were doing based on Kate’s cystic fibrosis.  It never really came up.  Of course, I went with her to doctor’s visits and stayed with her in the hospital, but we never talked about the inevitable future; we didn’t let it run our lives.         

During the next few years our relationship continued to grow along with our love for one another.  Despite Kate’s limitations because of her disease we still enjoyed a lot of activities together.  We took several trips, went to Niagara Falls twice,  took several small ski trips, went to Cedar Point once a summer, and that’s just a few examples.  We also rollerbladed, biked, and went on a lot of walks. 

Finally in October 1998 I decided it was time to take the next step.  I arranged a hot air balloon ride one Sunday morning, went and bought a ring, and took the leap.  During the ride on a beautiful October sunrise I asked Kate to marry me.  Of course she said yes, if she didn’t I would have tossed her overboard (grin). 

We immediately began planning for a 1999 wedding, but those plans came to a halt because of insurance difficulties.  We ended up postponing the wedding until October 2000. 

Our wedding couldn’t have been more perfect.  We were married at Hilltop Lutheran Church in South Bend, IN on October 21, 2000.  It was a beautiful fall day.  After the wedding we went on a 7-day cruise and had an amazing time.  When I think back to those 7 days all I can remember is how well get got along, we were so happy, so in love, and truly best friends.  Life couldn’t have been better for us. 

Quickly after the honeymoon Kate and considered starting a family and went to visit a high risk OBGYN who gave us the okay to try.  We tried for probably a few months with no success and then stopped in late December.  At the end of December 2000 Kate’s closest friend with CF, Ryan Weaver, passed away.  Kate took his death very hard, as did I.  It really brought us both down to reality.  Ryan was always healthier then Kate, so it make her think of her own illness.  It took Kate a while to bounce back after losing Ryan, but she did.

Our lives were back to normal again, but we were no longer trying to start a family.  Kate needed to concentrate on her own health first.

In February 2001 on my birthday Kate and I went skiing at Swiss Valley.  Kate really wasn’t up to it because of her health but went because she knew how badly I wanted to go.  She was so amazing… even in her health she could ski circles around me.  It was a wonderful day and I will never forget it. 

Kate’s health went up and down after that, but in April 2001 her dad passed away.  Kate and extremely close to her dad and took his death very badly.  After he passed Kate’s health went downhill even more rapidly. 

Despite her declining health, Kate graduated from St. Mary’s College with honors in May 2001.  I can’t put into words how proud I was of her.  With all that happened to her in the past year she still did it. 

After graduation Kate went back on the lung transplant list and by this time was on oxygen 24 hours a day.  Even with the limitations of being on oxygen Kate found a way to keep up with me throughout the summer.

In September 2001 Kate celebrated her 26^th birthday.  Every birthday was always special for her.  I stayed up late the night before and decorated the house with signs and balloons and early in the morning I went out and bought some of Kate’s favorite bagels from Studebagels in South Bend.  She never even knew I was gone. 

Finally on October 30, 2001 Kate got the transplant call.  Earlier that night Kate had met me at the mall to have dinner with me while I was working.  We met at the food court and afterwards I shopped around with her.  When I arrived home from work Kate was running around house going crazy… she was very excited.  She only expressed a little fear on the ride there… we were at a red light, she leaned over crying and said, “I don’t want to leave you.”  That moment is forever branded on my brain.  Once at the hospital Kate seemed more excited and energetic than all of us.

She came through the surgery without any complications, but didn’t recover as quickly as we thought she would.  She ended up having two additional surgeries, but they just prolonged the inevitable.  Kate passed away the afternoon of January 25, 2002.  She never left the hospital, never had the opportunity to enjoy her new lungs.  Even though my experience in the hospital over those 3 months is one I’d love to forget, I did have some good memories with Kate.  One was our Christmas morning.  Kate had just had an awful day, but on Christmas morning was feeling great.  We opened presents and had a wonderful time.  After her mom got there in the afternoon I went and took a nap, when I returned Kate was out of her hospital gown and wearing a night gown and her nails were just painted… she looked wonderful and seemed happy despite her situation.  My other fond hospital memory was the last weekend Kate was alive.  We spend an entire Sunday alone together and had a great time just hanging out.  After that Sunday Kate rapidly went downhill and the next Friday she was gone.

Kate was my wife, my best friend, and my soul mate.  I don’t have any regrets regarding our relationship or the short time we had together.  I would do it all over again if I can and I wouldn’t change a thing.  I consider myself a better person from just knowing her.  She inspired me in ways I can’t even explain.  I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for her.  She was and is my angel and always will be.  I love you Kate.